A lot of people ask me what my biggest fear is, or what scares me most. And I know they expect an answer like heights, or closed spaces, or people dressed like animals, but how do I tell them that when I was 17 I took a class called Relationships For Life and I learned that most people fall out of love for the same reasons they fell in it. That their lover’s once endearing stubbornness has now become refusal to compromise and their one track mind is now immaturity and their bad habits that you once adored is now money down the drain. Their spontaneity becomes reckless and irresponsible and their feet up on your dash is no longer sexy, just another distraction in your busy life.
Nothing saddens and scares me like the thought that I can become ugly to someone who once thought all the stars were in my eyes.
this fucks me up every single time
I never expected this to be my most popular poem out of the hundreds I’ve written. I was extremely bitter and sad when I wrote this and I left out the most beautiful part of that class.
After my teacher introduced us to this theory, she asked us, “is love a feeling? Or is it a choice?” We were all a bunch of teenagers. Naturally we said it was a feeling. She said that if we clung to that belief, we’d never have a lasting relationship of any sort.
She made us interview a dozen adults who were or had been married and we asked them about their marriages and why it lasted or why it failed. At the end, I asked every single person if love was an emotion or a choice.
Everybody said that it was a choice. It was a conscious commitment. It was something you choose to make work every day with a person who has chosen the same thing. They all said that at one point in their marriage, the “feeling of love” had vanished or faded and they weren’t happy. They said feelings are always changing and you cannot build something that will last on such a shaky foundation.
The married ones said that when things were bad, they chose to open the communication, chose to identify what broke and how to fix it, and chose to recreate something worth falling in love with.
The divorced ones said they chose to walk away.
Ever since that class, since that project, I never looked at relationships the same way. I understood why arranged marriages were successful. I discovered the difference in feelings and commitments. I’ve never gone for the person who makes my heart flutter or my head spin. I’ve chosen the people who were committed to choosing me, dedicated to finding something to adore even on the ugliest days.
I no longer fear the day someone who swore I was their universe can no longer see the stars in my eyes as long as they still choose to look until they find them again.
This is so fucking important and I think it’s something I needed right now
I love this
This
I’ve always said this. Love is deliberate. Love is a conscious decision.
some tips and tricks that have seriously helped me in excelling at watercolour
1.PAPER WEIGHT. for the love of god do not use any paper under 110-120 lbs to paint with watercolour, a very VERY wet medium that will soak clean through the paper if it’s not thick enough (most paper pads sold at craft stores have the weight listed on them. printer paper is around 20 lbs, sketch pads will be about 60 lbs, IDEAL watercolour paper 140 lbs+). i use only 140 lb paper for my serious watercolour works. canson and strathmore are my favourite brands
2. there’s no need to have very expensive watercolour paints, but it is important to use something better than crayola. my dad gave me a 24-pan windsor&newton watercolour set when i was 8 and these are still the paints i use today (i was a very careful child, but i never even had to replace my paint pans after almost 10 years either, so this brand, while super expensive, lasts and earns my gold star.) some other cheaper options are: x and x
3. if you’re going to be using watercolours, prepare to use WATER. so many people forget this, but it’s so important to realise this media is meant to look translucent, so you should see the paper through the paint. if you can’t see it, then you’re using the paints as if they’re gouache or acrylics, so try using more water and work with lighter colours.
OKAY NOW FOR THE ACTUAL TRICKS
4. SALT
quite overused in watercolour but it’s so freaking cool it can be pardoned. *remember for all of these effects, you have to use lots of water with the paint for it to work!
5. ALCOHOL/VODKA/HAND SANITIZER IF YOU’RE LAZY LIKE ME
you have to be very careful here because the second image can turn into the first if you use too much alcohol and it soaks through the water and paint gets in the spot, so be sure to experiment plenty before using this!!
but yeah you can use whatever clear alcohol you can find and it does p much the same thing
6. LIGHT SKIN TONES
okay while the darker skin tones are more easily achievable with browns and additional yellows/blues/reds to bring out the undertone, light skintones are hard as hell to make with watercolour because it’s hard to even think of what to mix. think no more!
YELLOW OCHRE + ANY PURPLE = perfect skintone you can play around with. adding more of yellow or purple will give you either cool or warm skin tones you can build up on and layer until they’re the proper value. remember to use purple/cool shadows with skin in compositions with normal lighting!
7. PAYNE’S GREY
and finally to repeat my previous post, use PAYNE’S GREY instead of black for a richer, darker colour in your painting. don’t use black unless your entire composition has warm colours, but even then, try to use a very dark brown instead of black.
8. WHITE
finally, it’s very important to mention this: never use the white watercolour they sometimes give you. EVER. EVER. dilute your paint with water instead to get a lighter value, or else you’re not using watercolour to its full extent (which is something you might struggle with if you’re used to using acrylics or oil)
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that’s all i can think of at the top of my head, but if you have any questions or need further brand recommendations etc, feel free to message me!
Do I detect a hint of… bedsharing? Mutual pining perhaps?
Ahh…subtle undercurrents of fake relationships
I’m getting strong notes of slow burn and friends to lovers, with a touch of smut at the finish
*drops an enormous box wine on the table*
This is just smut. Entirely smut. This smut has never even seen a plot.
Yeah that’s my order
*rolls up with a growler of 16% craft beer*
OH MY GOD
*slams growler on the table*
THEY WERE ROOMMATES
*delicately sets 4-pack of violently neon green RTDs on the table* Stuck in a car. In a snowstorm. Middle of nowhere. V. Cold. Only one character has a Big Fluffy Coat. Cuddling with a side of mutual pining. Best served with a slice of Things Mumbled While They Think The Other Character Is Asleep.
*Comes in with a hand full of those tiny alcohol bottles you see at the checkout* onshots!
*Slides bottle of whiskey across the bar*
Enemies to lovers with a double shot of confused hate-fucking because lbr, no one’s actually hating anything about the fucking up here in this joint. Not even them.
*Pulls out a bottle of tequila*
Look, I know this seems like a terrible idea, but TRUST ME you are gonna have such a fun night and possibly discover one or more kinks you never knew you had.
Astronaut bird 