On building a healthy sense of self

healing-phoenix:

One of the difficult tasks in healing from emotional abuse/neglect is healing the damage the abuse has done to our sense of self-worth and perception of ourselves… with all the negative thoughts about who we are (i.e., ”I am bad,” “I’m not enough,” “I’m unlovable,” the list goes on), and our expectations of how others/we should be or how they should treat us (i.e., “I deserve to be treated horribly,” “My needs don’t matter,” etc). Many times, it goes to an even more extreme level, where we start beating up on ourselves–often in the same way our abusers once did.

I’ve had some people reach out to me about this, but the reality is, there is no easy fix. This is a part of the arduous, gritty work of healing–not only healing from the damage, but after clearing out the damage, building a new sense of self from scratch. While some others had the blessing of having supportive and loving parents to build that base at an early age, we have the exhausting task to build it with our own two hands. So it is natural for us to feel tired and overwhelmed.

I write all my original posts based on personal experiences and knowledge gained–but since this is something I am still working on (and struggling) within myself, I don’t have any quick answers. I know how heavy all the negative thoughts can be, and how it can be so taxing to push against them, that there are days you collapse and break out in tears from the weight of it all. But what I can say is that loving ourselves and seeing all our good will NOT come naturally. Remember, we have been wired to see only the bad about ourselves, and to expect ill-treatment–because that was how we were treated for so long. That was our environment growing up. We are fighting against years and years of practiced and well-rehearsed thoughts, expectations, and beliefs that we are bad, not good enough, or that we don’t matter. So it will take a lot of time and a lot of practice to re-wire our minds. As I’ve written before: we are inherently good–we were just never trained to see it.

So let’s keep fighting the good fight. It is hard for us all, but know that you are not fighting alone. 💛