transgirlnausicaa:

the real problem: men dont see women as people. like before you can even get to addressing respect and appropriate behavior thats the fundamental thing you have to fix. if you dont change that then men just see polite behavior as “the correct actions to take” rather than “i act in a way that accounts for and respects the personhood and subjectivity of women.” this is why “pickup artists” and “incels” exist. they truly dont see women as human beings who make choices and have feelings. they just see us as non-autonomous objects. sex robots. housework robots. so their actions toward us just falls into a rubric of “this is the correct thing to do/look/say to get her to fuck you.” as if we are just robots, where you enter the secret password and get sex. 

there is no “specific right way” to get sex, get romance, get ANYTHING from a woman… the real problem is within the idea that men want to GET something from us. many men view their relationships with women as either transactional, where he does the correct actions and “gets” sex or romance or domestic labor etc in return, or exploitative, where he is simply inherently deserving of sex and romance and domestic labor. 

that is the underpinning of incel ideology. they believe that there is a “biologcial lottery” wherein “chads” are physically attractive and therefore automatically receive exploitative sexual relationships with women, and “incels” are physically unattractive and therefore are automatically denied the exploitative sexual relationships with women that they apparently so richly “deserve.” 

“pickup artists” try to enter into transactional relationships with women, meaning that they try to codify a list of specific things to display, say, give to women that will “earn” sex. 

there is a MASSIVE FUNDAMENTAL DIFFERENCE between wanting to be IN A RELATIONSHIP with someone, and wanting to GET SOMETHING FROM someone. 

there is a MASSIVE FUNDAMENTAL DIFFERENCE between viewing relationships as things that ORGANICALLY DEVELOP BETWEEN PEOPLE DUE TO MUTUAL FEELINGS AND COMMUNICATION, and viewing relationships as A REWARD THAT YOU EARN FOR BEHAVING CORRECTLY.

there is a MASSIVE FUNDAMENTAL DIFFERENCE between viewing sex as A TYPE OF INTIMATE COMMUNICATION BETWEEN PEOPLE, and viewing sex as a GRATIFYING ACT THAT IS GIVEN TO YOU AS A REWARD.